Volunteers support military families, honors the fallen

Published June 2, 2010
By Airman 1st Class Katherine Windish
11th Wing Public Affairs

BOLLING AIR FORCE BASE, D.C. -- Surviving families of fallen service members gathered for the 16th annual Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp on Memorial Day weekend at Crystal Gateway Marriot, Arlington, Va.

Since 1995, parents, spouses, siblings and other adults have attended the annual National Military Survivor Seminar; while children who have lost a loved one attend the National Good Grief Camp. Both programs incorporate a series of activities and workshops to help attendees cope with the grief that comes with losing a loved one.

"When I first got here eight years ago, there were about 50 kids and about 35 mentors," said Jay Wedel, TAPS group leader. "Every year it has grown so much, until it became what it is now. I think people experienced it and then felt they had to bring in another volunteer to share their experience. People...want to get involved: it changes their lives. The same happens with mentees."

More than 1,500 people were involved in the weekend's grief programs, including more than 350 children and more than 400 volunteers. The programs have assisted more than 25,000 surviving family members, casualty assistance officers, chaplains and others since its inception.

"My heart is just so full of gratitude to all the volunteers for giving themselves to such a noble cause," said Chief Master Sgt. Robin Johnson, 11th Wing command chief master sergeant. "I'm so full of pride for Bolling. We had so many volunteers from all our units and I'm just so proud of all our Airmen that volunteered from the 11th Wing."

This year was the first in the history of TAPS that there were more mentors than mentees.

The grief seminar for adults included workshops like helping children deal with grief, coping with the death of a loved one through suicide, survivor benefits, moving forward through grief, and losing a sibling in adulthood. Children under four are put in a day-care program for the adults attending National Military Survivor Seminar.

The Good Grief Camp is open to ages 4 to 19 years old. Hundreds of trained mentors, mostly active-duty military members, volunteer for the weekend and are paired with a surviving child. The volunteers act as mentors and role models and are there to show the children they are still part of the military family.

"[My mentee's] mom summed it up: it's powerfully good for these kids to know that there is someone out there, besides their family, that actually invests love in them," said Mr. Wedel. "When love from an unknown source comes in, it's like your family grows. There's someone else out there who understands you, and what you're going through, and how you're dealing with it. Friends are family you choose."

Children are grouped with other children in the same developmental age group. Each group has around 20 children with a mentor for each child and two group leaders. One group leader has a professional mental health or childhood education background and the other is a military mentor who has been a part of TAPS for several years. The group leaders guide the mentors and mentees through field trips and art projects used to help the children and teens express and understand their grief.

"My favorite part of this program is watching these servicemembers come from everywhere to give of themselves all weekend long and become vulnerable," said Chief Johnson. "They have fun, laugh, cry and just give all of themselves to these children. I really love to watch the volunteers and children go through the process and, in the end, become a family."

During this year's camp, mentors and mentees toured the national capital district, including Arlington National Cemetery and the United States Capitol. Participants viewed the annual Rolling Thunder Motorcycle parade and attended ceremonies at Marine Barracks Washington and Arlington National Cemetery. They also participated in workshops to help the children understand complicated grief, how to cope with new family dynamics and recognizing post-traumatic stress.

Sunday concluded the Good Grief Camp with more activities and support groups, including a balloon release which allows the child to write a letter to their lost loved one, tie it to a balloon and release it into the sky.

"Everyone is really awkward the first day and trying to feel each other out," said Staff Sgt. Apollo Perry, TAPS mentor. "To see them on the last day you can really tell that a connection and a sense of family have grown so much over those few days. I'm astonished each year to see such a transition. And it's only 48 hours!"

All the attendees were present for Vice President Joe Biden's Memorial Day speech at Arlington National Cemetery.

"Love is why we're here today," he said, "to show our love for the men and women who died showing their love for this great country and (to) honor their families who share that love even more deeply."

This was immediately followed by a special wreath-laying ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknowns. The wreath was hand-made of red, white and blue construction paper cut-outs of each child's hand with a message written to their deceased loved one.

"In the three years I've done this, I have learned how these people who have lost someone dear have taken these support networks and connected with people here who can help them overcome the tremendous amount of grief that comes with losing someone so close to you," said Michael Rowson, TAPS mentor. "Being here has prepared me; it has given me the tools to help others with grief like theirs. These kids have given me a whole new appreciation for life. They taught me something so important: how to be happy in life and, also, how to be sad. I will never be able to repay them."

To volunteer at any TAPS event year round go to www.taps.org.